I’ll begin with a brief synopsis of Sam’s emergency grocery expedition to Wal-Mart this morning, which included braunschweiger, Oscar Mayer bologna, a bag of shredded mozzarella cheese and several dozen two-liter bottles of Coke Zero. Because a senior citizen needs her Marcytinis.
And now, friends ... in the ongoing saga of our two-day shower remodeling project here’s the next chapter of WAITING FOR CLAYTON.
12 NOON. We receive a call from Clayton, who promised to be here with a helper at 11 to tear apart the shower in our master bathroom. Not only would they be “a little late,” he said there’s no way they’ll get here until after 5 p.m. because they’re really busy with something else. Seriously, people, who the hell starts a remodeling project at DINNER TIME? Am I expected to serve a tray of freakin’ sandwiches? Do they plan to spend the night? I DON’T UNDERSTAND, but there’s not much we can do but wait.
5:10 P.M. No Clayton.
5:19 P.M. No Clayton.
5:26 P.M. No Clayton.
5:34 P.M. Ricky the helper calls. He says they’re stuck in gridlock on I-30 in Arlington — breaking news! heavy traffic at rush hour! — and can’t get here today at all, so would it be okay to show up tomorrow at the crack of dawn and do the entire project in one day. I tell him sure, why not, but — IRRITATED SENIOR CITIZEN ALERT! — he and Clayton obviously don’t realize that I’ll have to beat them unconscious with my cane if they ever inconvenience me again.
5:10 P.M. No Clayton.
5:19 P.M. No Clayton.
5:26 P.M. No Clayton.
5:34 P.M. Ricky the helper calls. He says they’re stuck in gridlock on I-30 in Arlington — breaking news! heavy traffic at rush hour! — and can’t get here today at all, so would it be okay to show up tomorrow at the crack of dawn and do the entire project in one day. I tell him sure, why not, but — IRRITATED SENIOR CITIZEN ALERT! — he and Clayton obviously don’t realize that I’ll have to beat them unconscious with my cane if they ever inconvenience me again.
Stay tuned, okay? Thank you.
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